In these modern times, the word “submission” has been viewed as a taboo word that shouldn’t even be uttered. However, what exactly is submission in a relationship?
In an era where women rights are being put at the forefront and anything contrary to putting woman at the same level as men is such as heresy and hate speech, telling a woman to submit is almost seen as a curse. Well it was for me…
As a self-proclaimed strong independent black woman, Submission seemed like a word that should have been removed from our dictionaries once the 21st century hit and yet, I was a Christian.
I watched a video once that said Christianity hated women and that’s where I first came across the concept of submission. I was like wait what? How dare God SAY THAT about a woman. But that was because I thought submission was slavery. “I am better than most men and I am supposed to SUBMIT to them?” I reasoned.
I know a lot of women also feel the same but it was only recently I learned that submission was actually a beautiful thing. It is not meant to hurt us but help us come in harmony to serve God with our HUSBANDS together in the right way. Mind you, I said HUSBANDS.
So I compiled 10 things submission is not based on responses from people who think submission is basically modern day slavery.
10 Things submission is not in a relationship
1. Submission is not being a doormat.
What exactly is true submission in a relationship? Submission does not mean you allow your husband to treat you anyhow he wants and you just accept in the name of submission. This is very prevalent especially in african communities. Especially in olden days, the women were told to obey and just do as the man says and be on his beck and call even when she didn’t want to or didn’t think it was appropriate. Basically like a dog.
Since women did not work outside the home in those days, it was easy for her to go ahead and “submit” to the man no matter what he did because without him, she would have nothing. And this is not meant to be the case because regardless of if she only worked inside the home, work is still work.
2. Submission does not mean you agree on everything and your opinion as a woman does not matter.
Submission in a relationship does not mean taking the word of your husband as gold and having an opinion or coming up with a different scenario makes you rebellious or disobedient.
This is not a master to slave relationship. This is a husband and wife.
God commanded the husband to love his wife as Christ loves the church and be willing to die for her. That is his role as a protector. Therefore he should be open to her thoughts and opinions especially as Christians because, God said he will pour his Spirit on all men and that includes women (Acts 2:17).
Love your wife like Christ loved the church
What Biblical submission is in a relationship
Yes. God made men the head of the household so when it comes to dealings of the family, the Spirit would most likely direct the man however, when the man feels stuck or doesn’t seem to hear from God or feels frustrated, with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, the woman can also give her opinion on the road God wants to send them. That the what being a helper means. Somethings the people behind you that pushes you to the forefront have a bigger role in your success than you may have.
3. Submission does not mean shutting off your brain when your husband isn't doing the right thing.
We are all human and not perfect and the man as the leader may not know the right thing to do all the time so as a woman, you should not just say I do and decide to turn off your brain because you think you wouldn’t be needing it. Like the Bible says, two heads are better than one.
A woman can provide different scenarios and different ways to help the man think to come to an informed and the best decision.
4. Submission does not mean giving all husband authority or privileges to any man or your boyfriend
This! submission in a “relationship” does not mean just ANY MAN! Sometimes even some husbands are not deserving of submission especially, if they do not walk in the way of the Lord then come to talk of boyfriend. A boyfriend is not a title God recognizes! Even the state does not recognize that title.
I first started deeply thinking of submission in my past situationship. He told me I am a woman so I had to submit to him otherwise I was not a real Christian. And to be fair, that was the time I had shut of that word from the Bible and would even skip it when when I came across it so when he said that, I was caught in a loop.
Equal rights do not mean equal roles
I tried to wiggle my way out of it using verses like; “We are all equal in God as man and woman(Galatians 3:28), and that Jesus came to die for us so Old Testament practices are not needed anymore. Disregarding that, it was said in the new testament and disregarding the meaning of EQUALITY.
Like I said in my “why God created woman blog post”, Equal rights do not mean Equal roles. Yes men and women should have equal rights such as the right to life, good healthcare, to work if they want to and others but that does not mean God put us on earth to do the same things.
What Does biblical submission look like?
I had to take the Bible and actually read that passage for the first time aloud to get its true meaning. It said HUSBAND NOT BOYFRIEND. Also what exactly was I supposed to submit to, with him? His laziness, being good-for nothing, having no ambition whatsoever,- is that what I was supposed to submit to?
When a man wants you to submit to him
Sometimes it is best to take a good look at your man especially when you are not married yet, and ask; “What am I supposed to submit to?”
Being a man is not just a title and that is why we have the term “grown boys.” You BECOME A MAN. Some grown boys especially mainstream rappers, like to go on about women submitting to them and I am like “what should they submit to?”
Your reckless lifestyle? cheating? drinking?partying?
5. Submission is not a sexual preference
I came across this while doing my research and this is not what true submission in a relationship is at all. Of course If that is what you want to do in the bedroom, that is up to you (in marriage).
6. Submission does not mean living in fear of your husband or master”
Just as the Bible says the man should love his wife enough to die for her. So, if you are with such a man, why would you fear him? A man who follows the word of God with you and the family’s best interest at heart.
However, I know such men are quite rare and a lot of women fear their men in the name for submission. A lot of domestic abuse also come with that.
Qualities of a good husband in the Bible
Some women may think reporting domestic abuse is disobeying or betraying their husbands and breaking their vow with God but this is not the case at all! Such men who expect their women to submit or be beaten, are cowardly, insecure grown men who do not know how to love a woman and therefore to not deserve your submission.
Submission is earned not given for free.
However, no one is exempt from redemption in Jesus Christ. God can even change the worst people so that man who may be insecure or not deserving of submission right now for whatever reason, seek God and He will help you and heal you. That way you do not go on to hurt others too.
7. Submission does not mean the will of your husband comes before the will of God
This is the hierarchy of the family. Children submit to parents, Wife to husband, Husband to God. God is at the top. So like I said, if the man is doing anything contrary to the will of God, the woman is not required to submit .
What it means to be a submissive wife.
Of course the wife can pray for her husband and try to come to an understanding but in all things, God comes first.
It is best to also seek counsel regarding this matter from the church family to talk to the husband and to appease the matter in a civil way.
It is important that God is always first because, this is how the first sin occurred. Adam disregarded the will of God and instead put his wife first before God and listened to her.
Queen Esther is a good example. She approached her husband the king in his courts unsummoned, to save her people The Jews because, her husband wanted to execute them all (He did not know his wife was a Jew).
Queen Esther she disregarded his will of because the will of God came first.
8. Submission is not a choice between which gender counterpart wants to do it or not.
Submission is NOT a choice between genders. I know a lot of people like to put God-ordained roles to the backburner and do what pleases them but, God made it that way for a reason. Men and Women are totally different even down to our bone and brain structure.
Men tend to be great at problem solving while woman are the solution seekers.
The brain of a woman has been wired for empathy and intuition while the male brain, for reason and action.
Men are also physically stronger than women and tend to have more muscle, women are multitaskers and men focus on the action at hand-and that is why God made them to be leaders.
Not because they are better than us.
What submission is in a relationship
That’s why role reversal isn’t a thing when it comes to submission. Because femininity is made to be while the masculine is made to do.
Because role reversal is so prevalent nowadays, that is why people think its okay for women to lead and that it is offensive for a woman to submit.
Submission is simply God bypassing the woman to smack the man on the face in case something is wrong (quote from the war room).
9. Submission does not equate to men with money
Men of means does not mean they are men that are worthy of submission. Of course we all want providers and a woman is able to respect a man who leads and provides well for the family and not just rely on her money.
However, there is a misconception that if your man is rich then he is worthy of submission. First of all money isn’t everything(1 Timothy 6:10). There’s a lot of rich men with rubbish values do not even follow the will of God. This is seen with a lot with rappers. So do not make the riches of a man, cloud your judgement.
10. Submission does not make you less than.
Even though the Father, Son and Holy Spirit are one, Jesus submitted to the will of the Father and the Holy Spirit to the will of the Son. That does not make any of the Trinity less than but to instill order. This is the same with the church.
The church is the bride of Christ and we submit to the groom(Jesus) because, He loves us with an undying love and wants the best of us.
Even in the workplace you submit to your boss and that does not make you less of a human being. It is to instill order and harmony.
So it should be in marriage too.
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I am Angel Marfo, a 24 year old woman with a degree in Medical Physiology from the University of Nottingham. However I found a passion with content creation back in January this year and thats all I want to do now.
I like to Inspire people especially women, with their Mindset, Fashion and Lifestyle- God's Way.
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